Chapter 1 — What it's like to live with a mind that never turns off

Some mornings I wake up, and there are already five thoughts fighting to be the first.

I haven’t even opened my eyes, and my mind is already running: unfinished tasks, business ideas, a conversation I had weeks ago, a shapeless worry, a guilt I can’t trace back to anything.

It’s like my head is a city that never sleeps.

Lights on at all hours, background noise, ads no one asked for.

And in the middle of it all… me, just trying to find a quiet street to sit down for a while.

I don’t know when it became normal to always be thinking.

Jumping from topic to topic, from stimulus to stimulus, like I’m stuck in an endless loop of “what if…?”

I’ve tried silencing the noise: deep breaths, routines, lists, schedules.

Nothing works.

Because the noise isn’t always bad noise.

Sometimes it brings good ideas, unexpected connections, creativity.

But it also brings exhaustion.

A kind of invisible fatigue, like carrying the whole world in my head, all the time.

People tell me I should focus.

One thing at a time. A clear path.

But what they don’t understand is that choosing just one thing feels like giving up all the others.

I live torn between the desire to create everything and the frustration of finishing nothing.

Between being free and being productive.

Between what I want to do and what I’m supposed to do.

And even though I try to pretend I’m in control, there are days when the noise wins.

Days when the mental exhaustion makes me feel useless.

Not because I lack ideas, but because I carry too many.

Today I don’t have answers.

I don’t know if this has a name, a solution, or a label.

I just knew I needed to write it down.

To get it out of my head, even for a moment.

If you also feel like your mind never stops, like everything is too much, like being alone with yourself is sometimes exhausting… then this page is yours too.

I’m still searching for a way to live with this.

Or to make peace with a mind that doesn’t understand pauses.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll have more clarity.

Maybe not.

But today, this is what I’ve got.